So as you know my only theatrical talent is my B+ ability to impersonate Arnold's voice (you know the former Governator). So I usually introduce it to co-workers when they are wimping-out (I usually use as less PC term) or cannot perform some menial feat of physical strength. I usually say, "Come on Franco, quit f@%$ing around." Bonus if you can name the movie that quote is from! Anyway....
Soon after I was deployed we were maneuvering our MATVs through very tight security corridors leading to the Kabul airport. The lead truck misjudged a turn and had to back-up to take another go at it. I quickly radioed the line in the above paragraph. Based on the positive response from the team I began talking on the internal network in our convoys with that voice to add emphasis to the constant radio banter between trucks.
Soon after the appearance of “Arnold” at the Kabul airport we had to switch frequencies because we separated from another office that was supporting us. With a frequency change comes a change in call-sign. We searched for a couple of days for the official way to register a call sign and even the Ops Center had no idea how to make it official or if it needed to be official. (In fact, Ops Center didn’t even know how to re-program the frequencies into the radios—that’s what the contractors are for, right?...Army Strong!) The Army practices info-warfare on itself; I digress.
So we decided to simply pick a call-sign and put it in the proper place on the paperwork we file each day for our missions. After a couple of weeks of trying different call signs..."problem-child"...."trouble-maker" and the like, we decided that on one mission we would file "terminator" as the call sign and I would make all external radio calls to the Ops Center using Arnold's voice. Keep in mind, a convoy only calls the Ops Center (call-sign "Papa Charlie") when you leave a location and when you arrive at a location, unless there is enemy contact or an emergency.
So here's how it went...(the below narrative includes intel gathered by one of my team’s operatives from the folks working the Ops Center floor the day the “Terminator” initiated his mission)
Me: “Papa Charlie, this is Terminator 1. Over.” Said in “Arnold Voice” over the open radio channel. Everyone in the Ops Center, which is big war room just like the movies, and everyone monitoring the Ops Center channel can hear it—interest is raised on the Ops Center floor because of the voice)
Papa Charlie: “Terminator 1, this is Papa Charlie. Go-ahead.”
Me: "Papa Charlie this is Terminator 1, SP (radio-talk for start point) Camp Phoenix, Time Now, Start of Mission." (Remember “Arnold voice” and the radio call is broadcast over the loud speaker in the Ops Center. At this point the Ops Center floor is rolling in laughter and the intel guys in the adjoining facility also hear the call. Unfortunately, the door to the Ops Center supervisor’s office is open and his immediate presence (and evil-eye) on the floor signaled that the Tom-Foolery should end immediately. The entire floor is struggling to hold back laughter—they’ve been up all night and are a little punchy anyway.)
Papa Charlie: (A long ten second pause--it hurts when you laugh and coffee comes out your nose--then a barely understandable individual comes over the radio incapable of holding back laughter in between words.) "Terminator 1 (laughing) this is Papa (Laughing) Charlie (laughing) that’s (laughing) a good (laughing) copy. Over."
Me: "I'll be back" (A quote from a guy that was there (drum roll please), “Then the entire floor shit themselves”—uncontrolled laughter)
Papa Charlie: (nothing...incapable of responding. The floor supervisor and the officers are pissed but thanks to my trusty side-kick (code-name Waffle). All the proper paper work was filed for the mission and we are justifiably “Terminator 1” and our mission is underway.
Maybe you had to be there...but the guys in the Ops Center had been on duty all night and I hope it made their day (and I hope there wasn’t too much coffee and shit on the floor), because it made our day! My team was laughing just as hard as they were and I was astonished I completed all three lines with out cracking-up.
The shift changed as we drove to our destination and the next crew was instructed to not accept our radio transmissions if “the voice” was used at our arrival point. I was asked to repeat my arrival radio-call again and again until out of frustration I made the call in my normal voice. “Party Poopers! (Arnold voice)”
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
you are way more handsome than the governator *wink*
No comments:
Post a Comment